Tuesday, 28 April 2009

All I did was blink twise...

I really like N Dubz... It's worrying me...

Had such a long day! A day of annoyance, mostly at Judy, tiredness, mostly due to Judy pushing me too far, snapping, mostly at Judy and WAY too much singing. Basically, we had 3 full run throughs of our show today and I was tired and faint and my head was banging and Judy was being a twat and I got annoyed and kicked a wall... but then something amazing happened. Just when I was about to burst in to tears a certain beautiful boy runs into E74 and plants the biggest kiss on me i've ever had. Talk about perfect timing.

I've always wanted someone to be romantic and spontanious and just... be there when I needed them. To not make me feel guilty or un important or not worthy. Like I was disposable.

... And now I feel wanted, and needed, and it's nice :)

Saturday, 25 April 2009

So uninspired, so sick and tired

I feel like I should blog. As it's been a while. So I'l tell you about my day:

7:15am: awake to the sound of my raucus phone alarm, I am awake 15 minutes earlier than I should be so I can wash my hair before my long long day. I have actually only been snoozing for the past few hours due to the STUPIDMOTHERFUCKINGPHEASANTINMYGARDEN. *cough*

7:30am: emerge from the shower, nice and clean, but still not at all awake.

8:30am: Leave for work. Get the bus, find Josie and proceed to talk about our weeks on the way to work. I have not seen her in 2 weeks due to my stupid back problems last week. It was nice to see her again :) I love Josie. I'm going to cry when she goes to Uni and I become the new Molly. If you don't understand the term "new Molly" it's because you're not cool enough to work at Cardew and Co or to know Me, Josie and Molly!

11:00am: Walk down to Alliance and Leister to see Bradderz for a bit and collect the money she owes me for reading tickets. We chat about Nando's. We're going next week with Luke and John. It's going to be pretty damn awesome I think.

13:30pm: leave work early and head to Sainsbury's to buy Costa chocolate milk before heading down to the PlayHouse for todays shows. I am currently doing Follow Spot Operating for Fiddler On The Roof... don't know If I mentioned that in a blog yet...

14:30pm: Matinee starts... I am hot and bored already... I nearly fall asleep... twise...

17:00pm: Me and Jenna go to NoodleNation and get food in the break between matinee and evening shows. We sit on a bench with Beckie and Lucy and have a good old catchup in the sun which is well good. I miss my OYMT biatches.

19:00pm: Me and Ben go for a stroll down to Starbucks and get marshmallow twizzley things. They are basically chocolatey marshmallows on sticks. He buys me one. It's AMAZING.

19:30pm: Evening show begins. I only fall asleep once... but I do forget to Spot Tom whilst he's singing his solo... he sings the first two lines in the dark... I laughed...

22:15pm: Show finishes, I proceed to go hug lots of people and am gifted with a 6 pack of Bud for my hard work this week. I am happy.

23:10pm: I am sat at the computer writing a blog. I'm not quite sure why I wrote it out like this. It's probably very boring to read and I apologise! I am going to go drink Bud and talk to my lovely Luke because I miss him :(

...Just coz I love Frankie's face in this...


Thursday, 23 April 2009

We do not heed your dismal sound for joy reigns everywhere around

Being at the PlayHouse the past few days doinf follow spot for OYMT's production of Fiddler on the Roof has got me really nostalgic about my past years there. I can't stop thinking about all the good times I've had there! And listening to all the soundtracks!

Hot Mikado: fucking brilliant show, my first proper show and it was at the PlayHouse! Met a bunch of amazing people, and although I was just a chorus member with like.. one like it was still so amazing. The lights, the applause, the costumes from primark!!

Les Miserables: A completely different experience, double the cast members, half the theatre space! Being able to sing such amazing music with people I love was a privelage!

Next year... WHO KNOWS!

Today was pretty good to be honest. Had college for a few hours and got to go over my song which made me happy, then went to the New Theatre to see English National Ballet do Manon, after doing our ballet workshop yesterday. It was... well... stunning to be honest. It was so beautifuly and exquisitely done I was in awe. They make it look so easy...
And they're all so beautifulo and all the guys have AMAZING bums. so toned... *drool*

Then went around town with Big Spoon for a bit and bumped into some proper random blasts from the past! TASHA MY ASIAN BABE!!! <3>

Sunday, 19 April 2009

My heart is stone, and still it trembles

Theres is nothing on earth that we share, it is either Val Jean or Javert.

*insert names as appropriate*

I didn't blog yesterday, and my blog today was a little bit of a rant. So here's a proper blog!

Yesterday was a good day. A very good day!!

Me and Emkins and Tom went in to wonderful Oxford town and went shopping for costume for next week, and then went for tea, and then stalked abi for a bit. It was well fun :) Me and Emma bought waistcoats and hotpants and tights. Well... Emma didn't actually pay for her waistcoat! Silly lady in Primark!
I then went home and proceeded to make myself look pretty for "the date!" And then made my way to meet Luke. We went to a really lovely rustic pub/restaurant that was all bare wood and old beams and candles. It was so nice! We had steak and I had creme brulee and an espresso, I felt well grown up! We then went back to Big Spoon's humble abode and watched Bill Bayley's dvd which is HILARIOUS.
I did fuck all today apart from listen to Luke play guitar, watch T4, sleep and eat lots of chocolate. It was amazing. He is amazing. He's kept me sane these past few months.

Oh btw, Did I mention I love Zoetwin??
She's pretty awsome and I love her lots and she makes me very very happy and i couldn't ask

Loathing. Unadulterated loathing.

I. Am. SO. angry.



Friday, 17 April 2009

SlapChop and ShamWow!!

... and Gemma!

Same shit, different day.

I know, three blogs in one night, although it is technically saturday now.

I've been thinking alot about a certain pretty lady who used to be a very good friend of mine but isn't so much these days. These thoughts sprouted from a certain photograph on her blog of me and her looking so so happy. I remember that night. It was an amazing night. I miss her alot. I miss how we used to be. I miss how we all used to be.
I hate how much i've hurt her. When I said I never would. I hate how much it hurts her to see me happy. I just hate the tension.

Maybe it will be better after the summer.

I hate feeling so helpless to change things. I wish I could make everything better and everyone happy. I wish...... <3

Ok that's enough moping for one evening. I'm going to go sleep and wake up happy.

My mask is growing heavy but i've forgotten who's beneath

Well I guess everyone's reading this now. People I want to, people I dont want to. I wont be any less honest though. What's the point?

The mask's off. I'm just going to be honest from now on. Not pretend i'm ok if i'm not, not be nice to someone if I dont want to and not doing anything I dont have to.

Here comes another papercut...

You cant tell what it's like to be me looking at you...

If your picture is here I miss you and I love you so much.

And only two of you have blogs. Which means the other five will never know just how much I love them... Oh and Alex, i didn't have a picture of me and him!!

I am so tired. So very tired. And even my favourite music doesn't sound good anymore. I'm just so tired.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Just Move On UP

Do you ever find when you use the computer your mouse hand gets really cold whilst your other hand doesn't? I do. Maybe I'm just weird like that.

I have decided today that from now on I am going to only think possitively. This probably wont last long... oh wait that's not possitive thinking is it! This will last for AGES :)

I apologise for lack of bloggage yesterday, I shall explain.

Yesterday was pretty good tbh :) I woke up at about 12 to discover a txt on my phone from Big Spoon telling me he'd laowed work and that he wanted to take me out for lunch so that made me well happy! We went to Kerri's pub and I had the most massive yorkshire pudding known to man. We then took a stroll down to Abbey Meadows and sat by the river and ate icecream and I had BLUE SAUCE on mine :) Blue is the BEST flavour of sauce. I am well well well greatful to my wonderful Spoon for this as he knew I was not going to be having a good day yesterday what with thinking about a certain person's birthday and him cheering me up was very very lovely :)

Oh and did I mention I love having my music on shuffle? "OH WHAT A NIIIIIIIIGHT"
I miss Rock Show. And Dance Show.

I had work today :( I had to carry a massive 2 kilo bag of Jasmine Tea down to some random chinese place on Hythe Bridge Street which is like... AGES away from where I work. But after work I got to have tea and cake with lovely Emmakins and Abikins which was pretty wonderful. I love those girls.
We had chats. and LOTS of tea. It was good.

I miss Zoetwin :( We are well not twinny enough anymore and it sucks.

I'm feeling pretty creative at the moment. I've designed my tattoo finally, well one of them atleast. And i've started writing again which makes me feel good. There's no better way to express one's self than through the written word. Oh and drawing. I've been drawing alot recently too. Who knows, if you're lucky I might post something up! Only joking i'm not that good! I'm so bummed I've lost my year 11 art book. There's some actual good work in there! And lots of naked boobies ;) ... don't ask... hahaha

God i've written alot havn't I?

One last mention then I'm off,

All my love to Alex Gibbons. Possibly one of the best boys in the world. Chin up chicken. I can't imagine life without my Shmalex :)

Adios amigos, till next time xx

Sunday, 12 April 2009

What's it like in New York City? You're 1000 miles away...

Happy Birthday x

I lost my head when I found my heart

Tomorrow is not going to be a good day. I can feel it.

I hope it's good for you. I hope it's amazing. I hope it's the best day of your life.

Happy birthday in 36 minutes Big Bear

Saturday, 11 April 2009

there's a blaze of light in every word, it doesn't matter what you heard

Me and Greg are going to write songs and I am going to write beautiful harmonies for little chorusy bits inbetween his screamoliciousness. I have decided.
and yes. screamolicious is a word...

I’ll be your hero, or make that heroin
You’ll need me like the drug
That's pumping underneath your skin...

Planes and Trains and Cars.

Today was pretty bollocks. No. Pretty bollocks is the understatement of the century.
Today was

I had work. Which I really wasn't in the mood for concidering I got up half an hour late, got ready in 15 minutes and was still half asleep by the time I eventually got to work, not to mention I had to share the car with a bike.
Then work was pretty much a pile of shite, scuse my french. I felt sick and faint all day, plus my back problems are getting ridiculous now. I can barely move. But hopefully I'l be seeing the osteopath soon to get cracked back into shape! Oh and did I mention I have a stalker?

He needs to take the hint. I'm not interested.

Thankyou to Luke for keeping me sane today.
Thankyou to Josie and Posie for keeping me awake today.
Thankyou to mum for making curry.
Thankyou to Pachelbel for writing such a fucking good canon.

I'm going to Grove tomorrow. Spoon wants to show me where he grew up. I'm well excited!

I hope my heart and my head begin to agree on things soon. I'm getting so tired of being sad.

I miss not having a care in the world. Not having to think about the future.

don't go to Liverpool next year. I can't lose you too.

Friday, 10 April 2009

I broke through this hollow shell that once held me so tight I couldn't breathe

Back again!

I had a pretty fab night last night with Big Spoon and Daddy Spoon down the pub! We had candymania and lots of beer.
It was glen times.
What was not glen times however was getting 3 hours sleep last night and consequently feeling like pure shit today. It was nice to have a duvet day though. Luke and I watched last years Rock Show dvd. It was rather amusing!

I dont think i've ever felt this tired in my whole life. So far this week I have worked 32 hours and I am set to work another 8 tomorrow. Then another 32 hours next week. I'm actually shriveling up from too much work! However it does mean I will have enough money to get pierced and to start looking for a prom dress!!

Anyway I'm off to listen to the beautiful Dallas Green and eat profiteroles!

Adios xx

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

I love you by the way.

Fresh air for stale lungs,
Glossed lips for kisses yet to come.
Clear mind for hard decisions,
Fresh cracks in old divisions
Past lovers left behind…
The price to pay for peace of mind?
Not this time, not for me.
It’s time to breathe; it’s time to see
So take my hand and follow me.
To make a choice, no longer alone
To stop and stare into the sun
For pounding hearts to beat as one.
Like birds across a sky on fire
Spiralling higher and higher
Hear the silence, touch my skin
feel my heart race from within,
Let me fly, let me breathe
Let me be who I need to be
So hold my hand and lets be free.

I dont want to work tomorrow. But to be honest I didn't want to work today, or yesterday, or most of next week. But I do need the money. I need a prom dress. And 21 birthday presents are going to cost alot so better to start saving now right?

Anyway. I really can't think of anything else to say right now. So i'm off. I'l post again soon.

H x


I've finally done it.

I've created a blog.

Why I hear you ask? because I've got alot in my head. And I'm not very good at voicing it. But for some reason i'm ok with writing things down. So here I am. Writing things down. I wont be cencored. I wont hold back. I will say exactly how i feel. And anyone who gives a damn enough to read it can bloody well deal with it.

So here I go.

I'm sick of the games.
I'm sick of the lies.
I'm done.
So stop it. Stop lying. Stop playing. Just stop.