Friday, 26 June 2009

i love you

once a whore you're nothing more i'm sorry that'l mever change

Ever feel like a song was written for you?

Misery Business was written for me.

Thursday, 25 June 2009

16 just held such better days

Days when I still felt alive...

My bed finally came today. We spent a fucking age putting it together... but it was worth it in the end. And now I'm alone again. And I'm sad. And I'm thoughtful. And that is not a good combination for me. Atleast I have a pad and some pretty good sketching pencils to keep me occupied, oh and alot of music I havn't listened to in a very long time. I kinda miss my old life...


I kinda miss the old me...

She didn't give a fuck about anything.

and she was loved...

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

Welcome to my world...

There's more weight on your chest than you like to admit...

It's been an interesting few days to say the least! And I havn't written a long blog for a while so I hope you can keep up with my ramblings:

Lets start with friday,

Friday was the ball, which was both incredible and incredibly sad at the same time. I had an amazing afternoon with my girlies Abi, Emma and Crabs and we got ready together and drank lots of champagne and wine and giggled and I became official hair person and did everyones hair... apart from mine which Abi did, (she did an amazing job). We then proceeded to set off for the ball and when we got there we had some lovely professional photos taken, I really want to see them! I hope they look good.
Then came the dancing, drinking and crying. Was a good night. I got some things off my chest, as did a few other people and I had some nice talks with people including a hilarious one with Nickely... which will remain between me and Nickely!!

Saturday: Ah saturday, I woke up at 12, only to realise I had to catch a bus at half past to meet Francine in town. So I dragged myself out of bed and made my way in. Met Francine after work and went to boots for meal deals. OMG stupid moustache woman broke my advantage card which had like... SO many points on it which I have now lost. Bitch. You work in Boots. BUY SOME HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR YOUR FACE.
Anyway, we then went and sat in Christchurch for a few hours and had a massive chat about pretty much everything college/school related which was awesome. Francine then decided she really wanted a Crepe so we trecked back into town to the little Crepe thingy next to New Look... only to discover... it had disapeared!! So we walked round town in the pissing rain looking for another place that sold them and bumped into Ross and Zoe. I was then spammed by Ross. Again. haha!
We then decided to laow crepes and went to Thorntons in the Westgate which has a cafe in it and had MASSIVE waffles and chocolate sundaes which were awesome. AND THEN we went and sat on the ramp round the back of sainsburies for another few hours and chatted some more. Got home about half six and settled down to watch Robin Hood.and that was my saturday!

Sunday: 5 episodes of Desperate Houswives in bed, then Luke's house fun times, Then The Pub fun times, then more Luke's house fun times.

Monday: Went out trecking around Didcot in the blistering heat to find Luke a new job. We were quitre successful and found a few options. and didn't pay for our printing at the library... REBELS! Then back to Luke's for stirfry and BOLT! possibly the cutest animated dog ever. Then Wimbledon. Then a programme about Gang Rape (yes... odd I know) then Snatch, "bonjour!", then bed.

And here we are. Present day. sat listening to Wicked and my tummy rumbling, so I think it's time to go find something to munch on, but first, here's a few mentions for all the people who've made me feel special over the past few days:

Luke You really are the most amazing person i've ever had the pleasure to know. You've been so brilliant to me and you're the most incredible boyfriend. You make me feel lucky as I can be :)

Abi I love my disney voice so much and I'm so glad you're happy. You're one of my best friends and I love you.

Emma C what can I say? You give the best hugs and I know you're always there for me and always honest and supportive.

Bradderz I know you don't REALLY have crabs :) You make me smile and laugh and i love spending time with you

Zoe 4 words. Martini. Bikini. My nuts.
That is all. :D

Ross You will have another mars bar soon I promise :) but only if you stop spamming me!!

Ruth I'm glad we're good again :)

I think that's everyone? I hope so. <3 to you all.

Hattie out x

Saturday, 20 June 2009

half a world away

So it's over.

Bring on the summer.

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

the more i wait the more i'm going to fall

I can't seem to do anything right at the moment. Without even realising i'm rubbing everyone up the wrong way. I hate it, because i'm not doing it deliberately. I hate being disliked, even if only briefly. For someone with my record low self confidence it's more than I can bare.

So i'm sorry.

You have no idea how sorry.

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Don't make me choose between the two

I've been told some really hurtful things recently. And as much as I try to erase them from my mind, they always end up on my wrists. And I hate it. And I thought I'd stopped that forever. But to quote my very like minded and brilliantly talented, funny, beautiful friend

"I've given up giving up"

I hope she knows i'm talking about her.

I love her. I hope some day she won't feel the need to let her frustrations out with a blade. And I hope one day i'll be able to do the same.

Monday, 15 June 2009

I know that nobody's perfect...

What can I say? I've shot my mouth off again
and the words come racing down the barrel of a gun
and it's ink that's leaking from the papercut on my thumb.
But given the choice, i'd say it all again
just to see your faces and looks of distain.
And to get your attention, here's my latest trick:
"You're bitter and twisted and you all make me sick"
So show me both your faces, Janus, I know you've more than one
and i'll aim for them both down the barrel of my gun.
So that when i've finished shooting, and my words like bullets fly
it'll be YOUR blood staining pages, and MY ink's allowed to dry.

Saturday, 13 June 2009

How many battles must be won to win a war?
Because i'm fighting for you against too many whores.
How much faster must I run to win this race?
I'm sprinting a marathon just to keep pace.
How fierce must my fire burn to catch light
of the spark in your heart and irrevocably ignite?
What must I do? Who must I be?
It's not enough for me just to be... me

harder, better, faster, stronger

Emma is my lesbian lover.

Don't look back because this road is all you'll ever have.

It's been a long, emotionally draining week for a few reasons.

1. Kiss me Kate. I would just like to say well fucking done second years. At the moment I really can't imagine life without you. You all deserve DDD because you're all amazing. Good luck to where ever you end up and whatever you end up doing.
2. I've been having shit crazy mood swings all this week. Angry/sad/happy/excited/exhausted/rebelious/paranoid/too many other things. And they've made me say and do some things I wouldn't usually say or do. And I just want it to be better now. I want us to be better now. I love you.
3. every girl on the planet will agree with me here. I hate periods.
4. I really did not want to work today. I swear the heat makes everyone go loony. Some of the customers I had today I actually could have punched.

But apart from that, I'm ok!

I know you're not going anywhere. And this summer is going to be amazing. And no matter what anyone says or tries to spread, it's you and me for the long run.

so suck. on. that. bitch.

Sunday, 7 June 2009

This could be something

How many battles must be won to win a war?
Because I'm fighting for you against too many whores.
How much faster must I run to win this race?
I'm sprinting a marathon just to keep pace...

This could be something. If I get my head in gear and concentrate. But at the same time, if I get my head in gear, maybe I wont feel like this anymore and I wont need to write it down

The old me's dead and gone.

First of all, even with all the current shit escalating at college, Me, Emma, Alex and Luke had a bloody brilliant time at the polo yesterday. So that just goes to prove, people can sort their problems out.
Secondly, speaking of the current shit escalating at college, on ALL parts, in ALL arguments, I am not getting involved. I have a strict, only disliking people if they hurt me personally policy. And as none of you have hurt me, atleast not for a while, I wont be turning against anyone. Or taking sides. That doesn't mean I will be taken advantage of. And it doesn't mean I don't hate what's going on. Because I do. I think you're all cowards. But you're my friends. So sort it out. Before anyone else gets hurt.

On happier topics, the Polo yesterday was very good, alot better than any of us were expecting I think. concidering the weather conditions, and the fact we all felt very poor! I did come away with a pair of socks and a pair of knickers though... and a very light purse! Basically all Emma, Luke, Alex and I did was get very drunk and sit around not really doing much apart from checking out the bad fake tans and bad fake blondes. It was a good laugh!
Got back to Luke's from the polo at about 10ish and had possibly one of the best hot chocolates ever before snuggling up and going to bed. It was a generally lovely day, shame about the College thing in Abingdon in the morning kind of putting everyone in bad moods. But ah well. It turned out good in the end :)

I don't want any more competition. How many battles must I win before I finally win the war.

Thursday, 4 June 2009

Live high, live mighty, live rightously...

what a week it has been so far!

I've not been at college much, but the drama seems to have been concentrated down into a weeks worth of shit in like... 5 hours. I don't like being involved in other peoples shit. Believe it or not I really don't.

Anyhow, I actually stuck around college for ages today, till like 6 o'clock! I actually fancied watching some of the Kiss Me Kate rehearsals, I wanted to keep it a surprise for next week when we see the show... but I just got nosy ha ha! It's looking good. I think they're going to pull it together :)
Plus I really didn't want to be at home. So watching rehearsals was a lot better than sitting at home alone for yet another evening.

I'm really not liking how I'm feeling at the moment. Like there's this giant heavy pressure growing inside me and I just need to explode and let it out, this burning question I need to ask. I need confirmation. I need piece of mind. I need you to make it better.
But I can't. I can't tell you. I just can't.
So I suppose I'm just going to have to try and swallow it and forget.
It's only a matter of time... right?

Monday, 1 June 2009

So fragile we are we just don't show it.

Sorry it's been so long since I've blogged. I've been working, alot. Well, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, saturday. Apart from that I havnt really been doing much at all. Another reason why I havn't blogged, I havn't had alot to say. One thing I do have to say though... Ross is one good spammer! 141 txt messages and 55 facebook comments in one evening.


What can I say, I have an amazing boyfriend who likes to take me out on properly old school dates. It was so awesome I felt like I was 14 again... apart from sipping on beer with my pizza and icecream factory instead of pepsi hahaha :)

I miss him now though :( I have a feeling I'm not going to see him for a few days :(

Anyway, I am off to watch neighbours like a homo.

Loves x