Wednesday, 29 July 2009



The dreamer is the real you...

I don't know why I bother writing this anymore. No one reads it. At least I assume they don't. And I'm really not very interesting or extraordinary or readable.

Rory's was fantastic. I got to spend time with some of my favourite people in an amazing house with a gorgeous puppy and the sunshine... oh and about 3 litres of cider and black!

In Bruge is amazing. I got to watch it with my favourite person in the world... and with Ben and Jerrie's. That made me happy.

I'm bored with certain aspects of my life at the moment. I'm always discontented. I hate routine.

Surprise me someone? Whisk me away...

I'm wilting.

I love you btw. My favourite little Curly Fry... x

Sunday, 26 July 2009

Lovely Bones, I never wanna let you go...

Well, to be honest i haven't got allot to write about because nothing has really happened for me to write about. I've been pretty much alone the past few days what with everyone being at Truck... or just generally having lives. I'm bored and I'm lonely and I'm unfulfilled. Ah well. Life goes on.

I've started drawing again.
I've started writing again.

Nothing i'm proud of.

I don't even know why I decided tgo write this blog.
Sorry for wasting your time. I'm going to go to sleep before I bore anyone else to death.

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

This is new.

I wrote this the other night. I didn't know if I was going to put it on here, but I've decided I quite like it. So here it is.

I've a qualification in self-deprivation
And I know how to stay unseen
Because invisible's a privilege
and honesty's a crime
when you're trying to survive seventeen

And that's what you get for being easily impressed
A life full of wishing and a heart full of regret
And that's what you get for being easily misled
Hold your own, and walk alone, or you're gunna end up dead.

Growing up in a world of Kings and Queens
Of drama, lust and jealousy.
Sometimes you see, it aint easy being me.
I'm the Queen of Hearts, and I'm new on this scene

And that's what you get for being easily upset
A life full of plasters and a heart full of regret
And that's what you get for falling in to bed
Hold your own, walk alone or you're gunna end up dead.

I've got a qualification in self-deprecation
But you know that I've plenty of style.
Because confidence is a gift,
and wall flowers die
You can't say that I'm not versatile...

Growing up in a world of Kings and Queens,
Of drama, lust and jealousy.
Sometimes you see, it's just so easy being me.
I'm the Queen of Hearts and I rule this scene.

And that's what you get when you achieve success,
A life full of lovers and lungs full of cigarettes.
And that's what you get for winning in the end
Hold your own, and walk alone or you're gunna end up dead.

Monday, 20 July 2009

Scattered poloroids and sprinkled words

What a weekend!! It's been the most fun i've had in a pretty long time.

Left work early on saturday and got the train to Didcot. It was SO much simpler than getting a bus that would have taken an hour. It took 12 minutes! I am definately going to get trains more often.

Anyway, got to didcot and met Luke, before heading back to his house to get ready for his mums birthday party. I was so nervous about meeting the rest of the family who I don't know, like aunties and uncles and stuff, but it turned out to be a pretty brilliant night. It was really good getting to know everyone and I'm like... officially a part of the family now. I was also introduced to a coctail called a Green Frog by Jo. They're pretty yummy. They taste like dolly mix.

Sunday was pretty fun aswell. Luke, Robyn and I watched the first 4 Harry Potter films one after the other over the space of about 9 hours whilst vegging out and stuffing ourselves with party left overs, cold potatoes and lots and lots of salad cream. We were thinking about going to the pub, but we were obviously FAR too busy being cool.

Then today. That kind of ruined it. I had to get up for work at 7 and then had a pretty massively crap day. Stupid post office lady. Grr.

Now I am chillaxing watching friends and waiting for my dinner.

Thursday, 16 July 2009

You're hung over and I'm broke.

I've got a file in My Documents called "works in progress"

They're just little things I've started writing and never really made anything of. I save them in a vain hope that one day I'll suddenly be inspired and finish them off and give them life. About a month ago just such an occasion occurred and I think I wrote possibly one of the most personal and emotional and genuinly good things I've ever written. There's no point trying to explain it, if you read it you wouldn't understand half the meaning in it. Unless you're the person it's about. Even that person didn't pick up on half of it.

I think I'm going to dig up that Word file and read through the stray lines and phrases I've got stored. See if I can create something worth being proud of.

I'm in a mood to write. I'm feeling fearless, and loved, and secure, and happy and untouchable. And most of all, I'm a great believer in sticks and stones.

Words can never hurt me.
Because I know the science of words. And the ways people structure their words to hurt, degrade, weaken, anger and ultimately break.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me...

And I'm feeling good.

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Once again, I must ask too much of you.


It's been a good week.
And nothing's going to spoil that

Because i'm happy.
so HA.

Saturday, 11 July 2009

We live on front porches and swing life away

If love is a labour I'll slave till the end...

Not had the best week to be perfectly honest with you.
I've been lonely.
And angry.
And cold. In a literal sense. My house is fucking freezing at the moment.

I've cried far too much this week. It's not good for me.

Today at work was probably on of the most boring and tiring days of my life. I didn't have time for a lunch break because we were that fucking busy, what with Ben being off work with ACTUAL swine flu and Josie being in London.
So me, Nicky and Posie soldiered on for the day with too many customers and not enough time to sit down.

Ah well. I'm going to watch the Harry Potter behind the scenes thing in half an hour then go do some painting. Maybe that'l cheer me up...

Thursday, 9 July 2009

thankyou for the coffee, a simple conversation

thanks for the light shining in your eyes.

If you havn't already seen Ice Age Three in 3D go see it. It's amazing. IT COMES OUT OF THE SCREEN O_o!

Abi, Emma, Rory and I went to town today. We sat in a cafe for 2 hours and ate paninis and drank tea and chatted about life and love and conflict and tennis. It was nice :) Then we went to see Ice Age Three... ate a little too much icecream and pepsi and popcorn and got VERY hyper... and wouldn't shut up... and made everyone else in the cinema a little annoyed.

I am going to name my children Eggbert, Shelly and Yoko.

Me and Abi invented a new dance especially for when you're excited in a cinema. It's pretty awesome to be honest.

We then went and sat in another cafe and drank more tea and had more chats and wore our 3D glasses. We are too cool.

Although, I SWEAR all cinema attendant people have a vendetta against me. THREE of them took the piss out of me today!! THREE!!!! Stupid cinema peoples. It was rather funny though...

And now i'm sat at home alone wishing I was out and about and laughing and having fun. But I'm not. I'm sat at home listening to Adam Hood and sighing. Sigh.

Ah well. I'm loved. So what more do I need?

OOH some diet coke would be nice...
and a cuddle
and your blue eyes
and to wake up next to you.

Thanks.. X

Monday, 6 July 2009

They should call me lemon

Because i'm so fucking bitter.

Are your hands too numb to hold me tonight?
Hold my heart in your palm and squeeze it tight,
If you can muster the strength to do anything but swallow
Your liver may be full but tonight your soul is hollow.

Saturday, 4 July 2009

It's a new dawn it's a new day it's a new life for me.

Don't tell me I don't know, what its like to be alone,

Don't tell me I don't know

Don't tell me I don't know what it's like to be alone.

Everything I want right now is everything I can't have.

Wednesday, 1 July 2009

It's been a good few days. Lots of things have happened. But a few shining things stand out for me.

1. Chilling all day Monday at John's house with Luke and Abi. Just drinking beer and watching films and eating pizza and laughing. It was so nice to be surrounded by real, genuine, true friends. Abi and John, I love you.

2. Going to Wantage on tuesday and being showed a part of Luke's history and his life, finally seeing the Garden Centre and meeting Ian. Standing there over his grave and seeing all the love and memories and happiness surrounding him gave me a new perspective on life.

Grasp every second
Don't hold grudges
Love fiercely
Love completely
Be truthful

So that's what I plan on doing. I'm going to tell people I love them more. And I'm going to let my deamons go.

And I'm going to forgive, and I'm going to forget.

And I'm going to stop fighting this war.

Because he loves me.

We may be young, but we're not invinsible. So why waste life? After all, you only get one.