Friday, 30 October 2009


make your choice. Me or him...


like you'd ever choose me.

Thursday, 29 October 2009

What can I say?

Thank God for Ben and Jerry's, and the Ultimate Work Playlist on Spotify.

I've found a monologue. It's something I can identify with alot.

"Then I lov'd him
Extremely lov'd him, infinitely lov'd him...
In my heart was Palamon, and there,
Lord, what a coil he keeps. To hear him
Sing in an evening, what a heaven it is!
And yet his songs are sad ones..."

The Two Noble Kinsmen - William Shakespeare
I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get I Just Haven't Met You Yet...

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Oh Young Cardinals, Nesting In The Trees...

As far as I was aware a blog could be whatever the blogger wanted it to be. Freedom of speech and all that? It's not for anyone else's benefit but the blogger's. If people decide to read it all the better, but for me, It's always been nothing more than a place to go to vent and ramble and just let some of the pressure from my head drain. I'm not here to preach. I have little wisdom or juicy gossip to share.

If people don't like that, or think it's boring, or egotistical that i just tend to ramble about my day, and post the odd song I've written, to be honest, they shouldn't have bothered wasting their time reading it.

I do this for me.

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Some day I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me...

The song makes me happy. I think Luke should start playing his Ukelele again.

It's been a slow week. It's been nice though. Sunday night at the pub was nice, loads of people showed up as it was Bradbury's birthday, I don't think anyone actually did Karaoke though... haha
Then monday I was pretty ill so I didn't go to college and me and Luke stayed in bed all day and just did nothinhg! It was nice. We just snuggled and relaxed. I feel like we don't have enough time together at the moment. Maybe I'm just being silly...
I've been having a pretty low period at the moment. Wondering about people opinions of me. Especially a couple who don't really even know me but I'm scared they don't like me... just because of who i'm with or what I do or who my friends are. I wish people wern't like that.
Tuesday had college, then went to the flat and ate pizza and started to watch Coraline... but it scared me too much.
Wednesday, more college, then the pub again with Daddy Luke :) I had the most fucking huge yorkshire pudding you've ever seen. It was amazing.
Today? Well today I got up, dyed my hair (dark red incase you were wondering) and then chilled with Ross for the day. We watched Yes Man. Jim Carey is a god amongst men.
Now I don't really know what to do with myself. I should probably go to bed... but I don't want to.
I apologise for the mundaneness of this blog. I promise to be more interesting next time.. x

Thursday, 15 October 2009

You can't mistake our biology...

happy anniversary to John and Abi and Rory and Emma :)

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

The heart never lies...

I'm so glad there's no such thing as time machines

Coz I never ever ever want to go back where i've been.

I'm so sick and tired of reliving my history

and hating all these out of date versions of me

My future seems to be looking bleak.

My mirror shows me things that I don't want to see.

Too young. Too broke. And so naive.

I'm the girl with the impossible dream

No prospects. No drive. No reason to believe.

The nightmare returns and it's stuck on repeat.

Time machine. Time machine. Time machine.

Just let me live. Just let me be.

"All those feelings, those yesterday's feelings

Will all be lost in time, but today I'm wasting away, coz today is on my mind..."

I'm pretty messed up at the moment. In my head. I'm doing my very best to seem casual and normal and calm. But I can't hold it forever. I'm not ok. I'm upset, I'm terrified, I'm tired. I'm stuck in a spiral of negative nostalgia, reliving all the bits of my past I don't want to think about. And it's affecting everything.

It's affecting my confidence at college "Don't sing Hattie, You can't sing so you shouldn't bother trying"

It's affecting my friendships. I'm saying things without realising how stupid i'm being.

It's affecting my relationship. "Are you ok?" "Are you ok?" "Are you ok?" "What?... what are you laughing at?" "What??"

And the big one. "Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry..."

I'm in need of constant re-assurance and it's horrible. I feel like a fake and a failure and an annoyance and I feel weak and stupid and just generally a shit friend, girlfriend, person in general.

I want to feel confident, and safe, and self assured.

I want another mind. Mine's broken.

And no one believes me.

Monday, 12 October 2009

This house is a circus...

Sorry it's been a while, I've been pretty busy, what with college and UCAS and life in general. To be honest I should be doing something UCAS-ish right now... but I can't be bothered. Facebook and blogger are much more interesting. Plus, I really fancy a cheese toastie, so that is my next port of call.
I'm rambling.

Luke, Me, Abi and John are going to the cinema tomorrow :) It's going to be lovely times. I do love my Abikins. She's brilliant :) It'l be nice to relax for an evening.

Sorry for another short one, but I really can't think of anything else to write today...

... mmmm toastie... x

Saturday, 3 October 2009

How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You...

Another short one I'm afraid,

I Love You, I Love You, I Love You.
I don't think I could be any happier right now.

Unless you were here in my arms.

I Love You, I Love You, I Love You.
and there is nothing more to say.. x

Thursday, 1 October 2009

My 100th post.

Happy 1st of October.

Sorry this isn't very interesting, i'm tired and too happy to speak...

<3 Spoon