Selfish me.

I realised today just how much anger and sadness I have inside me.

It came to me in a dream.

I have been having a lot of similar dreams lately. They always contain the same two people. And in every manifestation of the dream I am the one who comes out at the end with nothing.

How can this be so? What is it in my subconscious that leads me to this conclusion in every one of these dreams?

It is not so in reality... or is it? I suppose on the surface you would say, Hattie, you have what you wanted. How can you question it?

But I am not the same person I was before. I am not going to sit back and not question the things I know in my heart arn't right.

And surely, these dreams indicate something is not right?

I have been lied to. I have been treated as a lesser person by those who have wronged me.

I am no longer a doormat.

And these dreams need to stop. One way or the other.

Anyone who says that life is not a competition is either very naive, or very stupid.

I am not that person.