Don't let the people make you think that just because you're young you're useless...

I suppose I should write a proper blog. It's been a while, and to be honest at the moment I have nothing better to do. Luke's asleep upstairs I think. I suppose I should be up there too but I'm just really not tired. Bless him he's so tired all the time I just want to cheer him up and make him all lively and bouncy and smiley again. But I've not been very good at that at the moment. I just seem to be getting in the way and being annoying and causing conflict. For once I'd just like things to be easy. Hopefully it'll all sort its self out... that's how you know it's worth it right? When you can come out the other side and still feel 100% completely in love.

That's how I feel... 100% jump in front of a gun in love with him.

I've found myself not really talking as much in my blogs as I probably should do. the blog is supposed to be an expression of feelings and emotions and day to day happenings, like a diary, but then you remember that people are reading it... sometimes I find myself holding back. But from now on I promise to actually write proper blogs. If anyone is actually reading them.

Went to college today. Re enrolment day. Spent another £95 on "material fees" PAH. It was nice to see people again though and see the first years and just be back. Made me feel like I have a purpose again. I've been drifting this summer. No direction. No energy to move forward. But from now on I'm going to be doing and trying and succeeding hopefully! I need to get my arse in gear.

After college we went to the pub and it was nice for a while, but as all my days seem to recently it went down hill and I ended up in my stupid bad place again. I just get low for no reason. It's really not right. Got a bit drunk. Middle of the day. I'm cool... :(

It was nice to see people that I'm probably not going to see for a long time like Cundy and Phil. Should be going out on Thursday with them which is hopefully going to be fun :)

I just need a good cry I think. A cry and a hug and some ice cream and a slap in the face and to be told to stop feeling so sorry for myself all the time.

I know I make a lot of empty promises. But hopefully this one will be here to stay.

I'm not going to be a door mat anymore. I'm not going to be walked over. And if it's not my fault, I'm NOT taking the blame. I'm going to be strong.

Anyhoo, I should probably go to bed. It's nearly 10 past 10!! Shocker I'm going to bed before midnight. I can imagine Zoe shaking her head in shame at me for being so weak and having more than 4 hours sleep ;)

Night x