time square can't shine as bright as you

YAY!



I'm complete again.

Better not waste my time I got better things on my mind

I just had 4 of the best days of my life.

Special mentions:
Rosie - My lovely sister
James - her lovely Mr
Luke - My lovely Mr
Crabs - My pint sized loooooover
Emz - The friend I know will always be there for me
Abz - The friend who will always be there with tissues and tea
John - The grampa
Alex - The constant Joker
BUBBA OWL - he smells, but he's cute
Kerri - What can I say. Mate I love her. ANN SUMMERS FOR LIFE

Ben, Josie and Posie - my cardews bredwins.


I LOVE YOU ALL.

Maybe we'l fly tonight...

It is too early for this.

Some guys just can't hold their arsenic.

I don't know why I wrote this. I suppose sometimes It's hard to uphold a mask of happiness just to uphold someone else's.

I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
It’s not my face staring back at me.
But hers, and yours, and the rest in between
And all the lies that you’ve told
And the things that I’ve seen.
Filling my head, scarring my heart,
All the things I’m trying so hard to discard.

Never being number one,
I’ve now come to expect
But I never thought you’d make me feel
Like another face to reflect
In the mirror stood before me.
With the faces of the used
Ignored, belittled, naked,
Discarded, fucked and bruised.

I know I’ll never be her.
I thought I meant more than the rest
The one’s who meant nothing more
Than heat to warm your bed.
Now tell me, do you see me?
When you stare into the glass?
Another nameless lover.
Another that wont last...

Or do I stand beside you?
And do I hold your hand?
How can I ever tell you?
How can you understand?
How it feels to love somebody
And to have none in return
To know you’re just a number
And that number’s never one.

Apology

Sorry to everyone i've been a right proper twat to today.

Been in a shite mood and taken it out on everyone

So I am truly very sorry and I promise to be in a better mood tomorrow.


Happy birthday Loz x

the footsteps that were next to me have gone their seperate ways

I know I'm being stupid.

But I don't want to share.

And I don't want to be making all the effort.

And I don't want to compramise.

I want you to be the same all the time.

I dont want two different you's

One with me, and one with them.

Is that too much to ask?

Come on and use me

You know how sometimes you just have "one of those days" as your mum/nan always used to call them? Well I had one of those days today.

One of those days where you can't even be bothered to move, eat, even attempt to do anything interesting.

One of those catch 22 days when all you want is some company... yet anyone's presence just drives you nuts?

One of those days where all you want to do is get out of the clausterophobic space that once was your bedroom and escape to the intoxicating sounds and lights of the outside world? ... yet that involves having to make an effort and get changed out of your pyjamas.

I had one of those days today.

I did attempt to get up, move around, read a book. But it didn't work. I got bored of being bored. I took a 20 minute ridiculously hot shower to try and snap myself out of feeling so terrible... but it didn't work. I attempted to go on msn, but no one was about apart from Lozi who ended up snapping at me for no apparent reason. As you can probably guess, I didn't stay online for long.

I then proceeded to turn the radio on and lay in a dozing stupor on my bed, drifting in and out of conciousness whilst half listening to generic friday evening dance music and half my own daydreams.

I was then summoned for dinner which consisted of lamb chops that refused to cook. I am not a fan of rare meat so this experience did not exactly do anything to cheer me up.

And here I am. Sat alone, listening to depressing music and sipping on a luke-warm beer. The first of many I imagine.

I know I'm a hypocrit. Drinking alone.
But just for today, I want to feel like someone I'm not.